TL;DR
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In a personal essay published by Tiny Buddha, an autistic writer describes how years of masking—changing his behavior to appear “normal”—left him exhausted and isolated. He says gradually allowing himself to avoid forced eye contact, stim and ask for quiet helped him conserve energy and strengthen some relationships, though sensory challenges remain.
A writer who identifies as autistic says he became less exhausted and more at ease after gradually stopping efforts to appear “normal,” describing the change in a personal essay published by Tiny Buddha. He writes that reducing behaviors such as forced eye contact and constant small talk left him with more energy and helped some relationships become more genuine.
The writer says he spent much of his life studying social behavior and copying it: he practiced facial expressions, memorized jokes and monitored when to speak or make eye contact. He describes these efforts as masking—performing a version of himself he believed other people would accept. He says he could appear comfortable in social settings but often went home drained.
In the essay, he connects that effort with mounting fatigue, unanswered calls and canceled plans. He says he blamed himself and assumed he needed to try harder, even as the pressure to perform made ordinary interactions harder. Because he appeared to be managing in public, he writes, other people did not see how much he was struggling.
His changes were gradual rather than a single dramatic decision. He stopped forcing eye contact, allowed himself to rock or fidget, and began leaving situations or seeking quiet without apologizing. He says some friendships faded when he stopped performing, while others improved. He also describes choosing quieter settings and smaller gatherings instead of crowded events he had attended to prove he could cope.
The account puts a personal perspective on the tension between social expectations and the effort some autistic people say they expend to meet them. The writer’s experience is not evidence that every autistic person masks in the same way, or that reducing masking will have the same effects for everyone. It does show how appearing comfortable can conceal significant fatigue from other people—and sometimes from the person experiencing it.
For readers, the essay’s practical point is that changes can be small and context-specific: asking for quiet, choosing a less crowded place or easing a behavior that feels forced. The writer frames these choices as ways to better understand his own needs, not as a cure for autism or a guarantee that relationships will improve. His account also acknowledges a trade-off: some connections changed as he became less focused on meeting others’ expectations.
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From Childhood Bullying to Masking
The writer says he did not always have a word for being autistic while growing up. He recalls being teased and treated as though his difference made him unsafe, and says he responded by trying to learn and copy social rules. In the essay, that history helps explain why appearing “normal” felt protective: he feared that showing more of himself could lead to rejection.
He describes the effects as cumulative rather than sudden. What began as tiring social interactions developed, in his account, into dread of activities he once enjoyed and a need to withdraw. The turning point was a gradual recognition that he could continue performing indefinitely or test what happened if he stopped in small ways. He says he still experiences sensory overload, including difficulty with harsh lighting and chaotic rooms; his changed response is to treat these as information about his environment rather than proof that something is wrong with him.
““I was different, and different was not safe.””
— The writer, in the Tiny Buddha essay
What One Personal Account Cannot Show
The source is a first-person essay, not a study or clinical assessment. It does not establish how common the writer’s experience is, whether the changes he describes would help other people, or how masking and its effects vary among autistic people. The supplied material also gives no publication date or additional reporting from clinicians, researchers or other autistic people.
The writer does not say that he has stopped masking in every setting, or that doing so is always safe or practical. He describes a gradual process and says he continues to encounter difficult days and sensory overload. The essay does not specify whether he received professional support or how his circumstances shaped the choices he was able to make.
Small Changes, Ongoing Adjustment
The essay offers no formal program or announced next step. The writer encourages readers who recognize their own exhaustion to begin with one small, safe change, rather than trying to abandon every learned behavior at once. His examples include allowing a natural movement, asking for a quiet break or choosing a social setting that better suits his needs.
He presents the process as ongoing: accepting that he is autistic did not remove sensory difficulties, but, he says, it reduced the shame he attached to them. The source does not report what happened after publication or whether the writer plans further work on the subject.
Key Questions
What does the writer mean by masking?
He uses masking to describe changing or monitoring his behavior to appear more socially acceptable, including practicing eye contact, facial expressions and conversation.
What changes did he make?
He says he stopped forcing eye contact, allowed himself to stim, asked for quiet without apologizing and chose less crowded social settings.
Did stopping masking resolve his difficulties?
No. He says he still has hard days and experiences sensory overload. He describes a change in how he responds to those difficulties, not their disappearance.
Does the essay show that all autistic people should stop masking?
No. It is one writer’s personal account and does not establish what is right or safe for other people. His approach was gradual and focused on changes he felt able to make.
Source: tinybuddha.com
